Thursday, December 4, 2008

gummo evening.

So tonight I went out to dinner with a friend, and afterwards we went to visit one of his friends in Fairview. (ghetto suburbs.)

these area sketches me out SO much. I find something totally eerie about an area which is both super suburban yet strangely shifty. I just picture a lot of young, unintelligent teenage baby mamas and dudes who drive honda crx's and beat people with pool cues living here.

it also seems like the kind of area with grow ops and meth labs. I imagine a lot of cab drivers get robbed around here. However there are a lot of babies and young kids, which make it seemingly okay by day.


(I probably shouldn't say that stuff since my dad grew up here (HA!) and i don't really have any basis for these statements. It just feels that way.)


we arrive at his 4-unit building, and proceed to his questionable basement apartment.
(i guess it wasn't that questionable, it was just very 1980 in a bad way).

In the apartment I meet his friend (kinda hippish-black metal loving-funk and jazz loving black dude, who sells weed but doesn't smoke it. He does however, drink scotch??) who is sitting the on his futon with a female friend.


now, picture this:

Her name is "Judy".

she is probably around 20?? But she spoke as though she was older. Maybe she was really like 22 or something.

She has kind of like a tame version of an 80's-metal-groupie-meets-Kelly-Kapowski-from-saved-by-the-bell Hair style.

I notice her tattooed arm right away- it was actually kind of pretty but very random. There were these filagree-esque vines growing down her shoulder and around her arm, and then more on her hand and on part of her wrist/forearm. She says she got it at permanent ink, which immediately reminded me of how Ashley described the clientel at that shop as being "primarily from spryfield", (I later found out she was originally from spry-town.) "hookers, or biker-types".

THEN I noticed that SHE WAS WEARING A HOODIE WITH ONE ARM CUT OFF JUST TO SHOW HER TATTOOS.


SERIOUSLY.




wow.


I should also add that she was wearing an avenge sevenfold t-shirt underneath, and the hoodie was covered in metallica patches, weed leaf pins, pyramid studs, and other hot-topic inspired accessories.

it also had a thumb hole.


(obviously.)





she probably had some sweet facial piercings too, but i was distracted by her outfit.

anyways,
THIS ISN'T EVEN THE BEST PART.


ahem.




adam:
So Julie...

Judy:
It's Judy.

adam:
oh, sorry. So where are you from?

Judy:
Well I'm originally from spryfield, but I'm a gypsy, so I live everywhere.

Adam:
uhh..

Judy:
Yeah, right now I'm living in the darkside (*dartmouth) but i kinda of just (coyly smirks) couch surf and what not.




WHHHAAATTTT TTTHHHEEEE FFFUUUCCCKKK!!!!!


WHO IS THIS PERSON!?!?


a GYPSY??

do you steal babies and shit?!?

WUUUUUUUT??!!



I swear to god she was dead fucking serious. She even pulled all these weird fuckin' gypsy books out of her purse later in the evening. It wouldn't have shocked me in the least if she tried to sell me vials of serums and what-not. I even joked that i should road trip to montreal with the cost of gas being so cheap and she said (in all seriousness) "i'm off until monday and I am crazy enough to do it".


yikes.
I wonder where a girl like that even works. My guess is either a porn store, whatever that band merch store at the mall is called, or KFC.




man. fairview is SOOOOO weird.

10 comments:

b said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA this is the best shit ever.
i would have laughed so fucking hard. i wish i was there. i wish i was fucking there. hahahaha.

thank you for a day full of laughter.

Sarah said...

oh dear god! what is judy thinking???!!

Amir Sabanovic said...

haha, oh god. I bet if that girl saw a real group of gypsies, she'd be completely turned off by the idea of being one. besides, you can't just SAY that you're a gypsy one day. what a retard. people are retarded.

Eleanor Magpie said...

Wow.
This story is great...I could almost imagine you here telling it to me. (I also love what a kick you get out of people.)

Sarah said...

Amir, your comment is my favourite! Amir for President!

Ashley said...

Haha It's true it's true!

jenn s. said...

ahahhaha, this made me laugh so much. too good.

brokes said...

This was a great read! Going to the houses of strange shitty people always make for good stories, let me tell you about my old downstairs neighbours sometime...

I HAIL FROM said...

guess who has a blog now?
hint: mercy

sarahxxx said...

oh dear lord. hahahhahhaha